Plain,simply me.

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Today is my blog’s first birthday.

Exactly one year before,on this very moment I was learning the basics of blogging. I was kind of lost,a soul mate passed away,I was sitting in a batch who was spreading a rumor that I am mad.I was preparing for the supplementary exams I had to pass,That day I promised myself that I wont go back to the crazy life,I had.I was trying to start it all over again,partially,i think…because sometimes we cant run away,just like that sounds…I was literally formatting my PC hard disk,deleting almost all contacts in my cellphone,I promised myself three things.

  • I wont go back to my previous life.
  • I will stop hanging out with people who have no interest in me and my life.
  • I will stop wasting my time on things which only happens for ‘name sake’.

It doesn’t meant I was planing to go alone,but its true that I was starting to understand being alone is OK.I still had enough friends, I can say ‘I was preparing for a storm’.

In later months,It was a storm…It started as the leaving of my class tutor, mentor and above all a brother,I can say he is the one who changed me,I am a person struggling with migraine, I used to eat Pain killers and sedatives,later it became a kind of addiction…and I can say It almost effected academic life…He is the one changed me and showed still there is ‘hope’…everything can be made alright…

I quit all association activities in college including IEEE, though I had to go back for a while…I understood its gone to ashes and there is always people out there to use us if we are too much good or too much bad.

There I violated the second and third things i promised myself,I shouldn’t have done that

Then my health conditions went down…So like every other ordinary man,I also sought peace and salvation.People kept disturbing me,I ignored most times,but some times…I reacted,may be because I am also a human being…I also have my limits in tolerance.

In that days,I was so desperate,I followed a passion,my final year project .I just throw myself in to it every spare time I had…I dreamed about a day I am standing beside my project ‘MAKI’ (so I used to call the robotic reconnaissance vehicle),for past one year It was a relief or can say an answer,if someone questions my existence as an engineer.I was getting very much close to two people through this project.I shared this passion with them,each day went i was getting closer to this people and i again broke the second thing I promised myself…I can say I never had a proper sleep for two months,I lived in between things,voids filled everywhere in my life,but I was not hopeless,I just continued to be like that…

I used to go to my father’s friend’s home,Nantheten…The persons who fills my mind with the true knowledge and understanding about science…I think he is the only existing person I can say mine,in the outside ‘real’ world.From the start,wherever I go to seek help about the project…I got only one answer…’not possible’…may be the only answer a person like me will obtain…but I just continued to push ahead my way…May be because of my illness,I set my group mates a bit free,or can say trusted them.Man should trust his fellow man I think,don’t know why I was wrong about that…we cant just simply trust anyone like that.On the day of final presentation don’t know why ‘MAKI’ never waked up…I cant say not because of my mistakes…I shouldn’t have trusted people just like that.

When every other group showed their project…I can say,we were literally hunting each others feelings…That dream never came true.Don’t know why I felt darkness entering my eyes,I was not able to stand,I was fainting…but a person like me can’t faint just like that,I went away from lab…all that noisy audience we had…called someone who will take care of me,if anything happen to me…And my project ended like that…moved the vehicle,just like a coffin…back to my room…already choking with things and stuffs of project…crying.

Next day My guide Hareesh sir called me,he talked to me for a while…He knew the kind of pain i was going through…

I still had a hope…one final chance…And it came…I requested the persons I dared to trust…No I begged both of them for a relief…But it never happened…They went for a tour,may be its their way to find relief,I never slept for the last two days of my college life…I was at nandhetan’s home ,trying to figure out the circuits…It was my decision not to go for the tour,because I was never part of the batch.I decided to sit with those only people who was always with me…In my happiness and sorrow…

The two persons I loved and trusted,left me…One person used and dumped me,the other one thinks both of us used him…Its OK…Sometimes I feel desperate about this incident…but,how about this lines…?

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting life’s magic things in reach                                                             (How to be alone,Tanya Davis)

Tomorrow I am gonne start writing my Final exams…I still have loads to look,but I am sure…I am gonna win.I deserve to win.

To the persons who was behind the campaign,’I am Mad’…well,how about this?

Mad is when we find harmony with our craziness…

looking back…My thoughts and prejudices were all true,I got hurt,just only because I violated the things I promised myself once…Thinking again my life is not changed that much,I still call the same person at 12′ o clock…one day before her birthday and scream ‘Happy birthday’ and will lough a lot later,thinking ‘what an idiot I am’…Petrol prices is on hike even now,I still have those people whom I had always,I still love to hear the same music,I still like midnight coffee…Even now my life is simple…

Life is too short to wake up with regrets and griefs…
I still have people to love and care about…Everything happens for a reason…

Life is a beautiful poetry,being written…So I choose to enjoy every moments… :)…

I would like to thank AJ, Nandhetan, Meiro, JY, Sibhi and Hareesh sir…who helped me to find ‘me’,my way back…Thank you for helping me  :)…
I would also like to express my sincere gratitude to each and every person of you for supporting Ink,thoughts,coffee…I wish to say thanks to each one of you, thank you very much friends…



4 thoughts on “Plain,simply me.

    evilnymphstuff said:
    May 28, 2012 at 12:40 AM

    I congratulate you because you have been brave in continuing to live your life and try to make the best of it despite all of the difficult times. And now your blog is 1 year old already! It’s awesome – congrats again and good luck in your exams and your life to be continued 🙂


    Dakshi said:
    June 8, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    All the best for a better life. You will be fine.. 🙂


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